Our Wildest New Years’ Eve

Just to get it out there how we roll on the night before the new year begins, I’m going to share with you the most tempestuous example of our hedonistic rollage.

It started about ten p.m. We were scantily clad. We climbed into bed eagerly, both of us reaching for the mixed sampler box of cookies my sister had sent us for Christmas. We ripped off the wrappings with abandon, pushing away random family cats who had come to watch.

The wrappings slid to the floor as we gazed on the overly generous quantity of high end cookies. A perfect single serving size.

For some time, we had been discussing the purchase of a grandfather clock. And so, for the first and last time in our lives, we turned on The Home Shopping Network. We had read they were featuring grandfather clocks that night,

Indeed, it was true! And not sclocky ones, either. As we munched our way eagerly through row after row of cookies, we lost all track of time. We were treated to one beautiful clock after another, their lovely chimes in tune with our frenzied cookie munching.

Then we saw it. It was what we had been looking for! My husband fumbled for his credit card, got it, ordered that beautiful timepiece, and it was ours at the exact moment we finished the cookies!

We were satiated.

We turned out the bedside lamp and held each other.

I can’t remember who said it first, but we knew it had to be said.

“Is our ceiling tall enough?”

We threw off the covers, and in our state of disarray and deshabille, we raced into the living room. I don’t know where it came from, but my husband had a metal tape measure in his hand. We both trembled as he reeled the tape upward. Would it fit?

Yes indeed, it would fit.

We returned to the bedroom, both of us scantily clad. My husband’s briefs had a hole in them. We had never loved each other more.

And that, my friends, is how we rolled on that New Year’s Eve. And it wasn’t even midnight yet.

Amen

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